Woah! Okay, that was a busy summer. Life, tango, and writing all take up a lot of time. There’s not really a point where any of them stop and give you time to blog, because they just can’t be won. But, if I’m not blogging, then writing isn’t really winning out, but life was the big distracter this summer. There are just so many options on what you can do that can be considered right, and none of those options are overtly wrong, but I often find myself hung up on what is the best possible choice I can make. It’s hard in life (or tango or writing for that matter) to improve, and to find the motivation to improve. From the simple things like changing that terrible florescent lightbulb that makes you not want to write in your room, to stretching so your backwards sacadas look like something approaching grace and less elephantine, changing your life to make it as best as it can be is tough. More often than not, I write it off, saying the skillset and surroundings I’m currently working with is best.
Those are mainly just ramblings. Let’s get on to what I spent all this summer doing.
I Know What I Did This Summer
Job hunting is the worst. You go from place to place asking people to accept you as you are. You know that you work hard, that you’ll support them, you’re a team player who has worked in complex scenarios with other people, and you have a degree. You also speak Spanish fluently. By you, I mean me.
Most jobs I applied for I am confident I could do as well or better than the people who often end up hired, but it isn’t the end of the world. As Tyler Durdin says, I am not my job. I am not my things, and I am grateful to have as much as I do. However, I do want something that will make me feel like a secure and stable adult. It feels like a rite of passage out of university and into the real world.
It was like asking people to go to a dance with you, but that tell you no again and again. It made me want to grab potential employers and shake them by their lapels screaming “What’s so wrong with me?!” Maybe I was taking things a bit too personally.
Things probably would have been easier if I worked throughout high school. Or, I could have been even friendlier with my professors so I could use them as a great resource, which several of them have turned out to be, in addition to being wonderful mentors. In the end though, moping doesn’t fix my problem, even if it’s masochistically enjoyable. At the time I originally penned down what turned into this post, I was hoping for a job at a bookstore that seemed ideal for me. Instead, I’ve ended up working at the most organic grocery store I’ve ever seen, and that’s pretty fun. Do I feel more secure and better about life? Yes. It hasn’t fixed my tango or writing though, but I’m finally getting a hold on that since things in my life are becoming less whirlwind-y. What hasn’t been settled? Well, me.
Sure, I still wish I got a job at a younger age. I think it would have opened all sorts of doors for me, and it would have made the other big stress last summer seem smaller, I think, by comparison.
That stress? House-hunting.
Not being able to house-hunt.
Without a stable job, I couldn’t commit to finding a place with a friend, which I needed to live up here. The alternative would be live with my parents, who are wonderful people that I love, but we have different ideas about an ideal living situation, and I’m seeing someone on the west coast now. Thankfully, I found a place starting in October, and couch-surfing barely hurt a bit. My friends stepped up to the plate, helped me store things, and took me in. I was actually planning to camp out in bushes if it was necessary to stay in Bellingham, and I’m really glad I didn’t have to go that far. Occasionally I take too much time to wallow in self-pity, which I shouldn’t when I have such awesome friends ready to leap up and help me out.
Did I Mention I’m Seeing Someone?
Other than the stress, my life has gone pretty well this summer.
Let’s start with my new partner. I started dating a wonderful woman named Emily. We met through her roommate, a fellow tango dancer and writer. I came over to their apartment to play a game called Folklore, and to read A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. By the time we reached book ten, and the time where Emily was set to move home where she has a job, I wasn’t coming just to see the friend I was reading with.
We kept in contact and talked daily until we started visiting each other, and then officially started dating! So far, everything is going well. I’ve met her parents, and she met mine, along with a few of my good friends in Spokane. It’s such a shiny new relationship that sometimes I forget how new it is and wonder why I haven’t figured out how I feel about long term commitments and such within being a boyfriend. Part of it is being single for almost two years, part of it is the long-distance aspect of the relationship, but overall I’m optimistic that things are heading in a good direction. It’s a nice feeling.
Side note: while going to visit Emily, I lost my camera on the BoltBus, so if you’ve been wondering where those usually extremely charming photos of me are, that’s where they are. I’m so sorry. I had one where I was wearing a fake mustache. I’m using my old camera now though, and pictures will eventually be reincorporated.
Time with Friends…wait, where’d they go?
Aside from that, tango and hanging out with friends has been awesome. I read The Night Circus, Good Omens, Coraline, and The Kingkiller Chronicles (which I liked far more than I expected I would. I attended Seattle’s Tango Magic festival for the first time, which was good except for a misadvertised valse class. I missed out on the Virgo Sacrifice celebration down in Seattle, which was quite unfortunate, but you can’t have everything in life. I did learn some things at Tango Magic though. Most importantly, I was reminded that I don’t know everything, not even a hundredth of the things I could know, about tango. I also got to hang out with some friends in Portland and in Seattle. It’s been a good summer for friends, though I miss people like Greg and Caileen who have moved away.
Greg is one of my best friends who lives in Spokane, where yet another best friend is moving. It does not make me happy to have so many lovely people leaving the ‘Ham. Then there is Caileen.
I adore my dance partner.
She moved to California.
I miss her.
The other day Nido Gaucho came on and I almost cried.
Without Caileen, my dancing would not be what it is, and I would be a shadow of the dancer I am. She constantly reminded me to have humility in my dance through steady head deflation. She has stuck by me through amazing times, terrible times, and even when I just couldn’t stop whining. I don’t know what I’m doing without her.
I basically consider my birthday the time to make new resolutions. Now that I have a job, and the schedule for that is finally calming down, I feel like I’m going to have some time at least to reorganize myself, to start to blog faithfully again (without missing four months), and to keep up with my writing. As always, I am working to be excited about the future, and, even though I’m probably going to be in the same place for some time, it still seems like there’s plenty to be optimistic about. At best, I do NaNoWriMo this November and join a climbing gym should my money flow hold steady. At worst, I keep working on myself at a slower pace. Either way, the world is going to get steadily better.